What have two septuagenarians married for nearly 54 years got to say about Valentine’s Day? Do we still have anything to offer? That’s for the reader to judge!
We always used to exchange Valentines cards! Comparatively recently, we agreed to stop. In a drawer somewhere, we have kept the Valentine’s cards we have sent each other over many years. They’re still very precious and meaningful as expressions of our love. But... we agreed... Valentines cards weren’t really working for us anymore. Words were always and still are hugely important to us both but words in cards seemed somehow superfluous to the loving conversation and connection that has developed between us.
But that doesn’t mean we disapprove of Valentines Day practices for a nano-second. Like all gift giving occasions, Valentines Day is complex. Obviously it’s hugely commercialised. The flowers in our local supermarket yesterday were twice the price they usually are. Even when we were more observant of The Day, any flowers were always bought before or after the actual date for that reason. Likewise our children have strict instructions not to buy flowers on Mother’s Day! Valentine’s Day is definitely a commercial exploitation of people’s wish to demonstrate love for one another. We don’t really want to put the hiked-up profits on flowers into the pockets of commercial growers.
All the same, Valentine’s Day has a lot to offer. To be reminded of the importance of expressing love and appreciation is always a good thing and a constant theme of this blog.
But doing that in a meaningful way is not always as easy as it sounds. Very few of us are sonnet writers or even prose poetry writers or flower arrangers! But it’s more than that. To express love is always something of a risk. To share your personal response to another human being in a meaningful way demands making yourself vulnerable on so many levels. In the early days of our relationship, we used to call these markers, ‘The Big Gives’! With words, there is the fear that you may not find the right ones and be misunderstood. With gifts of anything that demands an aesthetic response, you run the risk of not pleasing the giver, of not ‘hitting the mark’ in some way. Feeling deeply and not knowing how to express it or expressing it clumsily or inappropriately can make you feel quite stupid. So the old instruction to, ‘say it with flowers’ may have earned the florists lots of money but it understood human nature. Valentine’s cards and flowers can offer a ‘safe’ language. And a ‘safe’ language can be better than no language at all when love is taking faltering steps. Love without expression can distort and wither.
Valentines Day gifts and cards and the communication of love was always a difficult business. But it’s becoming more so! Talking to young people about their relationships makes it clear that they are getting ever more complex as people struggle to make sense of and trust messages and emoticons and all the paraphernalia of their online lives!
Whether we’re talking about erotic love or friendship or family relationships, the expression of love is always crucial. In a world where there is so much hatred and animosity and mistrust we must all be always on the lookout for honest and creative ways to express love and affection meaningfully. But take it from these two septuagenarians, giving and receiving gifts or words or any other form of communication between two people who love each other will never be entirely ‘safe’! Cupid's arrows wound. Love's passion burns. Loving always involves risk!
Photo: Raphael's Cupid from Magnolia Box
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